myHeartyHeart.com >> Heart Disease Talk >> Father issues
Father issues
Question:
Why don’t they realize that they are so difficult..I mean really, don’t you sense when you are being unkind or cruel? The egos attached to men from that generation! Incredible..
Actually, i wouldn’t generalize too much… My dad may have referred to me and my mom as "dumb broads" and "dizzy dames" and me, on an occasion, "whore", but I had friends whose dads called them "princess" and "sweetheart" and who told them they loved them.. And they were from the same generation… I guess some people have a more tender way with words than others. Amazing what an impact words can have on a child.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know there are a lot of awesome dads and moms, but some of us have certain "issues" with a parent that affects our adult life. I found this article which happens to be about fathers and emailed it to my brother. We both have issues there, although things are good with our mother. Skip it if it doesn’t apply to you – it’s long. But i think it may have relevance for some of us here. What are your thoughts–my father is an abusive alcoholic sociopath. I’m not sure if it is possible to make peach with him, unless he wants to change, and I don’t see that happening….. I think that somehow it’s about making peace with yourself ABOUT him? I really don’t know, becuz i’m having trouble with this one myself. Next Sunday is Father’s day. My dad’s 79. I’ll go thru the motions again, another visit, etc. Mainly to make my mom happy becuz she loves him, and has spent most her life trying to cover up his actions and justify them. I’ve already forgiven, but probably never will forget some stuff. I know he did the best he knew how, considering his own upbringing. But there’s no affection involved. Never was. Re-writing history just doesn’t change things. It was the way it was, and not the way you might like to think NOW that it was….
Sounds familiar…my mother spent 36 years excusing my father’s antics only to be dumped for a younger woman this past year…my father actually left her after everything she had done for him, how she stood by him and etc. etc. The whole thing is ridiculous and he’s a sick OLD man and his girlfriend is only interested in one thing—his money–same old story…. I’m like you, I’ll never forget—I’m not quite at forgiving, but holding resentment and anger will only hurt me, that I know..It just is so hard to see my mom go through what she has only because she chose to "stand by her man" through thick and thin. She knows she should have ended the marriage years ago but stayed in for the "benefit of her kids…" I tell her all the time, she’s been given a gift…she’s free of him, whereas he will always be my father and like you, I have to figure out a way to deal with him. Why don’t they realize that they are so difficult..I mean really, don’t you sense when you are being unkind or cruel? The egos attached to men from that generation! Incredible.. Well, good luck to you on Father’s Day..my father lives on the East Coast, I live in California, so at least I don’t have to be around him…. Hang in there! katie
Response:
I know there are a lot of awesome dads and moms, but some of us have certain "issues" with a parent that affects our adult life. I found this article which happens to be about fathers and emailed it to my brother. We both have issues there, although things are good with our mother. Skip it if it doesn’t apply to you – it’s long. But i think it may have relevance for some of us here. What are your thoughts–my father is an abusive alcoholic sociopath. I’m not sure if it is possible to make peach with him, unless he wants to change, and I don’t see that happening…..
I think that somehow it’s about making peace with yourself ABOUT him? I really don’t know, becuz i’m having trouble with this one myself. Next Sunday is Father’s day. My dad’s 79. I’ll go thru the motions again, another visit, etc. Mainly to make my mom happy becuz she loves him, and has spent most her life trying to cover up his actions and justify them. I’ve already forgiven, but probably never will forget some stuff. I know he did the best he knew how, considering his own upbringing. But there’s no affection involved. Never was. Re-writing history just doesn’t change things. It was the way it was, and not the way you might like to think NOW that it was….
Response:
I know there are a lot of awesome dads and moms, but some of us have certain "issues" with a parent that affects our adult life. I found this article which happens to be about fathers and emailed it to my brother. We both have issues there, although things are good with our mother. Skip it if it doesn’t apply to you – it’s long. But i think it may have relevance for some of us here.
What are your thoughts–my father is an abusive alcoholic sociopath. I’m not sure if it is possible to make peach with him, unless he wants to change, and I don’t see that happening….. Katie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Making Peace With Dad — and Yourself — This Father’s Day Psychotherapist and psychological educator Harold Bloomfield, MD, discussed his views on making peace with your father for enhanced well-being. By Harold Bloomfield , MD The opinions expressed by Harold Bloomfield, MD, in this event were his alone. If you have questions about your health, consult your personal physician. This event was meant for informational purposes only. Moderator: As an expert in the integration of modern scientific research, ancient traditions and personal empowerment techniques, Harold Bloomfield, MD is frequently invited to teach individuals, corporations, and healthcare professionals throughout the world. He brings a friendly, compassionate, inspiring presence to public seminars, corporate meetings and professional conferences. Dr. Bloomfield has regularly appeared on "20/20," "Oprah," "Sally Jessie Raphael," "Larry King Live," "Donahue," "Geraldo," "Good Morning America," CNN, and hundreds of regional and local radio and television programs throughout the country. He has been featured in USA Today, Newsweek, Time, Forbes, U.S. News & World Report, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, New Woman, American Health, Prevention, First For Women, New Age Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Examiner, Boston Globe, San Diego Union-Tribune, People, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Dr. Bloomfield received The 1999 Theodore Geisel "Best of the Best" Book Award, the Medical Self-Care Magazine Book of the Year Award, the Golden Apple Award for Outstanding Psychological Educator, and the American Holistic Health Association